|
Sunday, January 4th, 2009
lady_dark_eyes
|
10:21p
Diciembre....
aaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
;_____________; ...
Why in hell you have to be so slow? Why in hell can't you make me stay?
WHY?!?!?!?!
Why... ?
|
(comment on this) Thursday, January 1st, 2009
lady_dark_eyes
|
5:13p
Long hearty chat2
**Ana and heart having a fucking big argument**
Ana: That is it!!!!! I'm Fed of you!!!! Just get out of my heaaaaaaaaaaddd!!!!!!
Heart: Big news!!!!! I'm NOT in your HEAD!!!!
Ana: aarrggghhh!!!!
Heart: you see that's the problem! that you wont understand i'm NOT in your head!!!!
Ana: aaaghhh!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!!!
Heart: He is dilusiooooonnnaaaaaaalll!!!!!
Ana: and you are annoying and a PERSONAL BURDEN to me!!! so shut the fuck up!!!!!
Heart: **heart makes a long pause and moderates it's tone** You will listen to me... at the end, you will.. even if it pains us for a lifetime.
Ana: Hadn't you already pain us both enough for a life time?
**Brain making fun of really sad Anie**
Brain: So... was it worth the fall, Ann? **fun tone**
Cecy: **takes a breath to answers thus she is crying in silence**.... Every ...second...of it.
Brain: aaaghh!!! you are pathetic...I really don´t know how i have make it till here with you as my luggage! Just get up! ans start to walk away! like you should had done it months ago! like I told you to do so months ago! ok?
Cecy: yeah...
Brain: Do it! what are you waiting for????
Cecy: for my strength to come back...
Brain: ......
**Even brain it's rational enough to understand the limits and the meaning of lack of strength...**
|
(comment on this)
lady_dark_eyes
|
3:38p
Oh Darling... i feel like a crashed melody
... is January... 2009
-"Hope those weren't my wings coz otherwise how am i planning to go back home?"
-"I can stay too long... i just came to give you back ur compass... I'll be not needing it anymore, coz i'll not return"
and now i'm half winged and with out compass...
God i should take more care of my self... love my self...
after all the only person i'm sure im gonna spend the rest of my life with.. is me... i gotta start liking my self more... taking better care of me...
coz how is it that i end up half winged and with out a compass?
No more love. that's gotta be the rule. coz obviously i had such bad taste on men plus my brain is dilusional and my heart is suicidal. i just can do this to myself anymore... at least not untill i'm sure i can trust my self. Not untill i proove to my self that i can think better on me, more dearly at least. So i make sure that i wont put out myself just to commit another suicide.
I really, really wanted to marry him...
and I really, really wanted to be your girl...
I've lost my will to fly
|
(comment on this) Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
morgaine_le_fay
|
9:51a
This year's Christmas...
Hmpf, I wrote a long passionate entry about this Christmas, but the entry was lost, and now I do not feel in the mood of recalling all these strong emotions. It was a lovely Christmas, one of the most lovely ones I remember. I think it's because as my relatives grow older, I learn to appreciate them more and more... I am grateful that my grandpa survived his fall and the artificial coma this year. I was worried about my grandma who has stopped perming her hair and in addition had a severe cold that made her look 10 years older and dangerously feverish. And I was grateful for Micha being there with me, and even trying to sing along as good as he could... My grandpa is taking pictures of our "ancient" slides, when Ela and me were but kids, and all our cats were still alive. I started crying when I saw our first cat. And I realized that my of dealing with the death of a beloved is complete repression because I cannot handle it at all otherwise, and it made me so sad because it seems like the persons are more "lost" in this way. I have heard of people saying that after a time of grieving they feel the dead ones like a part of themselve with which they can conversate like they were still there. I cannot do that. As soon as I think of them, I start to cry and get depressed. I only feel the loss. =o/ And that made me even sadder. =o/ And my grandpa of course does not carefully take pictures of 3000 slides for himself. He does that to preserve his memory and his work for us when he is gone.
And when Micha and me had announced our engagement to our relatives, I told my grandpa that he was a part of the decision because when he was lying so close to death, I kept saying to my mom: He cannot just go now, he has to take pictures of my wedding, they all have to be there for my wedding. It's bad enough my other grandpa has already gone! My grandpa promised me to be there, and he told me that when his time has come I need to accept hit. Well, and after that, my tears would keep flowing, and Micha had to take me upstairs and distract me with enterprise Deep Space Nine during which I finally fell asleep.
After Christmas we started to handmake our wedding invitations which was a drama on its own since none of us is really fond of or good at handmaking stuff. Sandra came to help, and after 40 invitations, we discovered a typo, and I almost freaked out... Well, I haven't toucht them since we returned to Freiburg. I just did not want to see them again. But I suppose we will soon have to finish them. Meanwhile, my mom told me to look for a wedding dress... another drama for me, since I had not wanted to try on any until my birthday. I wanted to do some sports and lose a few kilos still. And this puts me under so much pressure that it freaks me totally out. The women at the wedding shops are not really supportive, at least not the one in the Italian wedding shop. We went there just to have a look, and she said "wow, you are late... at least 4-6months before the wedding you should come", and then she told Micha to wait since "it's bad luck if a man sees the dresses", and ran from one side of the storte to the other, not listening to my pledges and wants: "I want an A-form because it makes a slim waist, I don't want a lot of kitschy decoration because after the wedding I want it to be cut so I have a party dress and all the money was not just for one day". The only thing she kept in mind was "bordeaux", and in the end she managed to show me two I was interested in trying on. But although I was the only customer in the shop, she told me that I had to make an appointment, and with that Micha was summoned, and we were send home. I called my friends to arrange an appointment, but Ela is swotting, Inge has to prepare a university request, and Sandra is in Egypt snorkling... So, I had to do what I had wanted to avoid: ask my mother to accompany me to the shops. =o/
Well, plan B is: looking for a tailor. I actually think that would suit me best, because then I have time to lose weight until 2 weeks before the wedding because that is when the last changes will be made. Nevertheless I have to look for a good cut and inspiration in the regular wedding shops. MÄH! I wish my friends were here to help me... Suddenly this event gets so much importance. Up to now it just seemed like a big party with my family and friends, and now... it seems such a big deal. Even my dad started to plan stuff... like the place-carts for the tables: "Wouldn't it be nice if people had something to take home instead of such an ordinary place-cart?" And then he came up with champaign bottles... Well, I am looking at Micha who is sitting on our couch next to me in our regular vacations out of bed style, and listening to Modest Mouse and Molotov, and I have to remind myself by looking at him that it will not be a big deal to marry him, because we just... match. =o)
So, now I will go to the gym and see if things work better than yesterday when I had to give up after 30 min because my knees were so weak... ;oP
current mood:  content
|
(comment on this) Monday, December 29th, 2008
lady_dark_eyes
|
6:46p
Glühwein - Vino aromático
Zerk Maury dice:
cómo te la pasaste?
ya viste 12 monos?
:: a n a.n i e t z s h e:: dice:
hahahaha no aun no :D LOL ... me la pase bien supongo, mi madre no grito tanto esta navidad hahahaha
Zerk Maury dice:
y eso que significa?
:: a n a.n i e t z s h e:: dice:
La verdad, no tengo idea... creo que es la vejez, dicen que los perros ladran menos mientras mas viejos.... pero en una escala del uno al 10, mi hermana y yo decidimos darle un 8 a esta navidad... por aquello de que no hubo tanto estres ni chantages...
Zerk Maury dice:
ahh le entra el melodrama?
se pone joe the bull?
pepe el toro? eso que les da de reir y llorar al mismo tiempo?
con ataques de paranoia
y por momentos psicopatia verbal?
ahhh es hermosa la navidad!
|
(comment on this)
lady_dark_eyes
|
3:27p
Do you know why you keep running away form me all the time?
Coz you know that the tone of my sweet words can break your defenses just as glass can be break with the force of a thunder... coz the warm of my touch pierces the hard-iced coat that protects your heart...
What you dont know... what you dont come to understand... is that as i do can break you, i can also make you grow stronger than ever before.
|
(comment on this)
lady_dark_eyes
|
8:56a
De cosas raras que me pasan...
venia en la camioneta escuchando smashing pumpkins... y estaba esa cancion algo que decia como "even children get older".. y pense en la linea "I planeed on grow older with you"... X nada de relevancia, todo esto sucede en CD.
Cuando llego a la oficina.. decido poner mi ipod en la compu... para escuchar musica... cabe mencionar que minutos antes habia sentido a alguien parado justo a un lado de mi y no habia nadie... antes de conectar el ipod a la compu lo puse sobre mie scritorio y asi de la nada se prendio y empezo a tocar una cancion... aqui lo raro es que en la pantalla aparecia una cancion que se llama "wish we were older" de un grupo cualquiera nuevo que me paso mi hermanita y la cancion estaba en pausa, se supone que el ipod no estaba tocando nada, estaba en pausa!!! podias ver en la pantalla que la cancion estaba en pausa y que el ipod no estaba tocando nada!... al principio me le quede viendo al signo de pausa y pense la pantalla esta siclada esta tocando la cancion...pero luego la tonada de la cancion me llamo la atencion... por mis audifonos se escuchaba mi cancion favorita de piano... "Complime" de Amelie... que no tiene NADA que ver con la cancion en la pantalla... en ese momento voltie para atras y todos lados de la oficina esperando ver a "alguien" pero no veia a nadie... decidi escuchar la cancion y esperar a que terminara para ver que pasaba con la pantalla del ipod... pero antes de que pudiera terminarse la cancion mi ipod se apago solo........ mi ipod tiene pila.
No se... quien se tomaria la molestia de hacer eso por mi? porque se sintio bien? se sintio complaciente? Como si alguien que me quisiera, intentara podenrme de buen humor? ... y lo mas creepy aun, quien sabe que esa es mi cancion favorita en el mundo? ... ultimadamente hace mucho que no sostengo ninguna relación mas alla de lo normal con ningun espiritu...W.E.I.R.D.
|
(comment on this)
|